“Overcoming Contempt”

(Rev. Sue & Ben stand on the floor, in the center front of the sanctuary, back-to-back. With each statement, they take a step away from each other.)

Rev. Sue: Can you believe THOSE people??? 

Ben: Who do they think they are???

Rev. Sue & Ben: I’m glad I’m not like them! (point and look at  the other with a sneer)

Rev. Sue: Those men! Ben: Those women!

Rev. Sue: Those blacks! Ben: Those whites!

Rev. Sue: Those illegals! Ben: Those racists!

Rev. Sue: Those evangelicals! Ben: Those atheists! 

Rev. Sue: Those MAGA Republicans! Ben: Those radical Left Democrats!

Rev. Sue & Ben: I’m glad I’m NOT like them.   (Ben  sits down.)

Six years ago, in 2019, at the Gloucester Unitarian Universalist Church, when I was candidating for the privilege of being your pastor, I preached on this Gospel passage and opened the sermon with my husband David in nearly identical fashion.  I began by saying “we have a crisis of contempt in this culture.” 

I wish I could stand here and say the situation has improved.  But, it hasn’t. In many ways, it is worse. 

At heart, contempt is a spiritual issue – it fails to see the other as a child of God.  The mouthpiece of judgment, contempt is the act of holding another in disdain, of despising someone; of showing a lack of respect and reverence, of looking down at another person or group.  Contempt is a toxic energy that divides us one from another and keeps God at a distance.

On a personal level, contempt sows distrust. On a social level, it pits “us versus them.”. Contempt destroys relationships. It can destroy societies. It misunderstands the true nature of our relationship to God and one another.  Contempt is a sin, a failure to love. 

What the Pharisee fails to see is that because he is so certain of his own rectitude, God    can’t reach his heart.  What he doesn’t see is that God lives in the very places within himself  that he has closed off and within those people he has judged and shut out. 

For more than 30 years, John Gottman, the Director of the Seattle Marriage Project,  has studied thousands of couples. He has discovered that contempt is the single factor most likely to lead couples to divorce. He writes, “Contempt…is poisonous to a relationship because it conveys disgust.  It’s virtually impossible to resolve a problem when your partner is getting the message you’re disgusted with him or her.”

Think for a moment about a time someone spoke to you with contempt.  How did it make you feel about yourself?  How did it make you feel about the other person? 

And if you’ve been on the receiving end of repeated contempt from someone who is supposed to love or serve you (a parent, sibling, friend, spouse, religious leader, or political leader) – it can be incredibly damaging and destructive. If that person also has authority in our lives – like a parent or religious leader – and they speak in the name of God – contemptuous words are a dagger to the soul, undermining our sense of self-worth. 

Contempt also makes an epistemological mistake. It presumes that we can know what’s in another person’s heart. We can’t. And because we are distracted, overly busy, hurried, fixated on our own agendas, we are often out of touch with our own hearts. We can get so caught up in what’s going on “out there”   that we lose touch with what’s going on “in here.”  (pointing to heart)

It is so much easier to judge others than to examine ourselves.  It is much more dangerous to judge whole groups of people rather than to examine ourselves, to be honest about our sins – our faults and our failures to love. 

Ten days ago, self-described Conservative, Evangelical New York Times Opinion writer David French shared this concern: “(religious) revival begins with the people proclaiming, by word and deed, “I have sinned.”

MAGA Christianity has a different message. It looks at American culture and declares, “You have sinned.”

And it doesn’t stop there. It also says, “We will defeat you.” In its most extreme forms, it also says, “We will rule over you.” That’s not revival; it’s revolution…”

“Revolutionaries,” French writes, “will conceal sin. They can’t permit any cracks in their righteous facade. Any weakness undermines their claim to the national throne. The other side is wicked. We are not. (In a true revival) our focus is on becoming more like Christ — and that means turning from my own sin, not focusing on the faults of others.” (What an insight!)

To heal our country, to heal ourselves, we must be willing to do the hard work of repentance, of being like the tax collector, willing to look within, willing to recognize our sin – the ways we have missed the mark or failed to love, and then be willing to ask God for mercy. 

And so let’s take a step towards healing.  You are invited to look within your own heart in silence – in a spirit of humility – as I offer these questions for self-examination:

As honest as you can be with yourself and before God, are there groups of people you judge as less than yourself? People of other races? Classes? Political parties? Or religions? 

Are there people in your family or community that you judge as less than yourself? Perhaps because they have not achieved what you have achieved academically? Professionally? Economically?  Or do you judge yourself as less deserving of God’s love because you have not achieved what others have achieved?

Have you spoken disrespectfully or dismissively about  others? Have you spoken disrespectfully or dismissively to someone in your family or community? Have you allowed someone to speak disrespectfully or dismissively to you? 

Have you failed to recognize God’s gifts in your life, including the positive influence of others,  and instead claimed that your successes are due merely to your own efforts?  

In what areas of your life are you in need of God’s forgiveness and mercy? 

Together, you are invited to slowly repeat the prayer of the Tax Collector after me, 

“God, be merciful to me, a sinner.”

Please open your eyes. 

(Rev. Sue and Ben return to floor, standing far apart.  With each statement, they take a step closer together until at the end they are standing face-to-face)

Rev. Sue & Ben: We are all beloved children of God and imperfect sinners. 

Rev. Sue: Men Ben: and women

Rev. Sue: Blacks Ben: and whites

Rev. Sue: Immigrants Ben: and racists

Rev. Sue: Evangelicals Ben: and atheists

Rev. Sue: Republicans Ben: and Democrats

(Arms around each other)

Rev. Sue & Ben: We are all beloved children of God. Amen.